On Young Adulthood
Okay, so I didn’t stick to my normal blogging schedule but I think the state of this structure will be drastically changing due to recent life transitions. This post will be very short and sweet. Or maybe not, I’m quite long winded.
I started a new job this week! It’s day three and I’m already exhausted. But not in a 'I hate it and want to run away' kind of way. More so a good exhaustion. I’m finally making work that I’m excited about and proud of. It’s only been three days and I already feel immensely creatively pushed, encouraged, and challenged, more so than I have in months. Maybe I’m really not cut out for the world of communications and designing is truly where I thrive. Or maybe this place is just a better fit. Who’s to say...
I had a minor and admittedly dramatic freak out over taxes and other “adult” things the other day. I had to step outside for a minute and catch my breath. But I got some solid advice from people who know much better than I do about it and am sufficiently calm now. But honestly, a part of me feels like a fraud for being here. Like what did I possibly say or do to trick them into hiring me. I feel like I don’t deserve to be here. But here’s the contradiction; I feel really confident in my abilities and strangely enough, I’ve gotten really good at tricking myself into believing that I'm smarter and more capable than I really am. On Tuesday, I had to go to the main campus which is about 10 minutes away to pick up my badge. It was the scariest thing. Picture your first day of college on a huge campus without a map and the only directions are “go get cleared at the health building and then find your way to the other building to get your badge.” No guided directions of how to get from point A to point B. I somehow ended up exactly where I needed to go simply by convincing myself that I am an adult and can figure it out. Granted, I ended up accidentally parking at a valet spot and almost ran over a doctor. That’s besides the point though, I’m truly so excited to make really good work. Work that doesn’t muffle my voice or make me feel stunted. Work that is strong and helps me advance in my career. I think I’m just really overwhelmed with so much new information that my emotions have just been all over the place. But no worries, I’m okay. Honest.
Right now I’m feeling extra thankful for the things I learned in school and the professors who pushed me and taught me to think outside of my fixed limitations. Maybe the countless brutal critiques and endless amounts of hard work has finally paid off…
I'm also thankful for friends who have been texting me encouragements, asked how I was doing, and have been feeding me helpful tips, you all know who you are. Also shoutout to my fellow freelancing friends, you are all so brave.
Beyond feeling entirely overwhelmed and exhausted, I’m hopeful and excited for the next few months. I have so much to learn and the potential for growth feels so much more tangible.
Also, one of my co workers complimented my glasses today and my supervisor was impressed with my assignment. If that’s not a milestone, I don’t know what is. Haha..I kid…
TL;DR I’m making cool stuff. I’m happy and thriving. I'm a little scared and intimidated but hiding it as best as I can. I feel trusted and respected professionally. And God's timing is really good. Oh the joys of young adulthood.
Thanks for reading! Hopefully something more light hearted next time.