On Life and Timing

 

Current life update: In the last ten months I graduated, lived out my barista dreams at a coffee shop for three months, got my first full time job at a place that I felt was really holding me back, let go of an internship I didn't actually want, and quit that full time job. In the coming weeks, I will be starting a new full time position at City of Hope- a cancer research hospital- as a Graphic Designer in their Marketing and Communications department. I never in my lifetime would have thought to end up with this position. I firmly believe and love what this organization stands for and the lives that are touched here, one being a close friend of mine who was diagnosed with leukemia several years ago. Though, I have yet to start working there, I’m excited for the potential of growth and all the new things I’ll be learning and creating. Back in June of last year, I wrote these words; 

 

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I've always been a rather emotional person. When I was growing up I spent a lot of time in my backyard or the nearest park in my neighborhood because finding refuge in nature seemed right. I used to cry about anything in life that was remotely uncomfortable or scary. Though I still do, as I've grown older I've started to cry about the beautiful things in life. The things in life that are so exceptional that I can't quite understand, like the grandness of feeling small in the presence of nature, or sitting really still and watching the clouds cover and uncover the moon at night. I think nature will always be a safe space for me because everything else is much quieter and God's voice sounds much louder. 

These days I'm not quite sure where I'm headed. I have an inbox full of "we'll keep your resume on file" or "we have decided to move forward with another applicant". And a giant folder of resumes and cover letters from the last few months. I've even gotten emails from companies I didn't apply to thanking me for time and interest. 

I've spent a lot of time in nature these last few months. Though the future doesn't look so bright for the time being, I rest in knowing that God's timing is beyond my understanding.

 

And here I am, only a little over half a year later, enjoying some time of unemployment whilst awaiting an exciting career move, potentially looking into some side opportunities to keep me busy, serving at the church I grew up in-a whole other story in itself, and fully invested in meaningful friendships that I really love and care about. 

I was talking to a friend last week about working a lot. It got me thinking about the concept of time and timing. Being a busy person is a choice you make but it doesn’t mean that you have to lose out on doing the things you love and spending time with the people you care about. At this age, it is entirely acceptable and possible to hustle hard and work your ass off while still managing to make time for social activities. Maybe this means that as soon as your head hits the pillow each night, you’re completely passed out, but you’re only young once right?

Timing has truly proven itself as the best and worst thing in my life. I, being the most impatient person I know, have struggled and been so frustrated at the beginning of most timelines. But at the end of each of these frustrations, I’ve begun to understand further why things needed to play out the way that they have. Honestly, you’d think that by now I would have learned to stop being frustrated and impatient, but surprise surprise, even though the desires I had nine months ago worked itself out, life keeps moving forward and my desires and needs are constantly changing. Sometimes, I feel like I've been living in a perpetual state of waiting. 

All that to say, maybe nothing in this world ever truly satisfies. But don’t get me wrong, I’m stoked for the next couple of months. I know it’ll get busy and I’ll probably feel like I’m drowning at times, but there’s some sort of high that comes from staying busy that I’m very drawn to at the moment. Of course, there are things that I wish would work out right now but alas life is simply not that easy and a year from now things will look very different, but such is life. Nonetheless, I really am happy and I'm learning everyday to fill my frustrations with more patience. 

Thanks for reading, Cheers!

 
Catherine Li