On 2018 & Resolutions
If I’m being honest, I’d easily say that 2018 was the worst year. But upon further examination, I have to conclude that this has been one of the best years if not the best year of my life thus far. Sure, the last half of this year held some of the most tumultuous moments and events I’ve ever experienced, but there’s something to be said about the lessons I’ve learned and the support that has held me together. And I suppose the joy I felt this year was absolutely immeasurable to anything I’ve ever felt before. It’s still a hard pill to swallow, but I cognitively understand that pain does not invalidate or erase joy. So now I’m just learning to reconcile and internalize it emotionally too.
This year has been full of endings and defeat, rooted in deaths, health scares, heart break, and burnout. The last couple of months have been some of the most emotionally exhausting and confusing times of my entire life. However, it finally feels like there’s some sort of light at the end of this tunnel. In this time of so much loss, so much has also been gained. Some of the most unexpected friends have stepped up and have been my biggest support. I found myself in a new place with familiar friends, really learning to thrive again. There is truly much beauty beyond the ashes.
I’ve always been one to have a very dangerous and false romanticized perception on everything that happens to me. It’s almost like I think my life is a movie and everything is so much more dramatic and monumental than it needs to be. (It’s the NF and enneagram 4 in me-annoying, I know) If we’re friends, you know I have the tendency to think and speak in metaphors. I’m convinced my brain translates anything logical into some blown out of proportion, abstract false reality. It often doesn’t work in my favor, especially when things aren’t going well. But in a lot ways, I think it makes me a more ambitious and goal oriented person. You win some, you lose some.
I’m looking forward to this next year. A year is such a short amount of time, and 2018 absolutely flew by. But then again, so much can happen in this short time. I’ve learned a lot about the law of attraction. Maybe it goes against everything I believe in theologically, but I think I’ve settled on some sort of combination of the two. At least for now. If patterns stay consistent, I have every reason to believe that so much good is coming. But in that, there will also be trials. Many many trials. Life will always be as such. And no matter how prepared we think we are, we will always feel a little unequipped and blind sighted when life hits us with unexpected circumstances. But I know that there is much to be learned in the depths of sadness, heart break, and loss.
It’s been a good year. In 2018, I started the year in the mountains, spent a weekend in Joshua Tree, started a new job, attended five weddings, went to five concerts, drove up to San Francisco, turned 23, flew to Chicago, spent time in Lake Arrowhead, and saw my best friend get engaged. I’m so grateful for everything that has happened this year and all the friends who have walked me through it. It truly has been the best year of my life.
With that said, here are some goals I have for the next year;
Invest deeply in whatever I’m doing and in whoever I’m with, even if the risk feels high.
Boldly chase after every dream and ambition.
Get out of town every couple of months to reset and recharge.
Stop letting social anxiety get in the way of having fun.
Don’t let past circumstances deter me away from new and scary opportunities.
Pray unceasingly and without expectations.
Be more environmentally conscious and leave a smaller carbon footprint.
Learn to play the keyboard.
Practice radical forgiveness!!!
Be kinder to myself and those around me.
Learn to make more logical decisions.
Stop watching sad movies that perpetuates more sadness.
Practice generosity in all forms.
I hope 2018 was kind to you, and I encourage you to reflect on and remember the things that you have learned. I wish you all the best this upcoming year! Thanks for reading!